I try to live strongly by the philosophy of "Just Say Yes." Generally speaking, this proves to be a pleasant way to go. I've traveled a lot, have gotten lost in weird places, and once had a random person give me a foot massage in the middle of a cornfield. That said, there are times—and I can only speak for myself, so the following are just things people have said to me (really)—when it's best to forgo this decision-making process and simply break into a run:
1. Your hands, your hands are beautiful. Can I hold them? I am royalty, I am royalty in Swaziland; that is where my family is, would you be my wife? Please, come home with me and be my wife! Just say yes, be my wife, you would be royalty in Swaziland. Please come with me. Your skin is so white.
2. Do you have money for Jesus? I found him! I found Jesus! Here, take this pamphlet. Also, do you have a boyfriend? He better treat you right. I would treat you right. I would. I would treat you so right! If your man doesn't treat you right, please come back here. My name is Reggie. I am always at this intersection.
3. There are approximately 200 of us living here. You would be working and living on the reservation, since it is 100 miles to the next town. Teachers' living quarters are conveniently located on school grounds. Please let us know as soon as possible if you are still interested.
4. Psssst...hey! C'mon! Get in! Get in the car! Get in the car. Get in the car.
Answer: Peek head in door and see if there are any candy bars.
You are SUCH a breath of fresh air. Your blog achieves a combination of great writing and humor, which is extremely difficult...I would be surprised if you stayed unemployed for very long. But this means you may have to change the name of your blog!
ReplyDeleteYou know somebody somewhere just went, "oh, PUH-leeze!"
ReplyDeleteI'm still not sure what to put on information forms. For example: real estate management forms. I've been siding with "self-employed," which sounds just risky and smarmy enough. Yes, yes, it's ME.