Venereal Disease: It Can Happen to Anyone

Spending the last few days glued to my desk on a soul-crushing freelance assignment, I caught a glimpse of my future. It came right after I spilled a bunch of salsa on my keyboard, and it spoke with a nasally voice. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was Wayne Knight's character from Jurassic Park:

While not surprised, I am disappointed that this large, wide, and slightly off-putting vision did not bring me snacks. When my future self comes to visit my present self, I at least expect pretzels, and not that terrible unsalted kind.